delirious deanna saves the day

will-power & self-dicipline

i believe that my lack of ability is directly dependent on my lack of self-discipline.

i have this terrible habit of riding on emotions. my actions and productivity is based on motivation. i would pump myself up by saying, “OKAY! this semester/month/year is going to be productive and awesome!” but what usually happens, is the motivation will subside. i’ll get lazy, which leads to bouts of depression and unproductivity.

i’m good at getting started. my problem is following through until the bitter end. i need to start focusing on the end-product of the things i do. i need to stop getting distracted by how difficult it is to get through the process of getting things done.

i’m tired of sabotaging myself with my depression. i can’t continue through life half-assing things. i need to learn how to work towards long-term goals, not just instantaneous ones.

today i went out with Soka, Edriech, and Jimmy to Casa De Luna to study and do homework. Soka was telling me how second guessing himself on his last exam had costed him a good grade.

It made me think about myself. I often times find I second-guess myself. I wonder, “Is this the right thing to do? Is this really the career I want?” It made me realize how much freaking time i’ve wasted, just pondering about it. I’ve realized I spent more time worrying rather than just getting out there and being active with what I want. If I’m going to figure out whether or not computer animation is right for me, I’m only going to find out by doing it and making mistakes. Thinking and being dormant with my actions with do nothing for me.